Good morning blog

I woke up and had 33 new emails in my inbox. I put one little plain simple post on Craigslist. And now there are a lot of men that want to IM me, apparently. I don't know but after reading them I got scared. I don't want a relationship with them and I don't want to make sexy talk with them, definitely not. I know what it is. I'm looking for (P). (P) is a man I met on Craigslist. Ironically, we were sort of erotic pen pals. But we never met, we certainly never had sex. (P) was/is(?) a writer like me. He blew my mind every time I got an email from him. It's funny because I have his email address. And I know he peruses the Missed Connections every night, so I know I can contact him if I really want to. And I really want to. And I really don't. It's so complicated.

Writing for my Internet audience who does not know who I am. I am married, separated for a year, headed for divorce. My marriage has long since been in the toilet. I stopped wanting to be intimate with my husband a long time ago, although I continued to do it, even after we were separated. I haven't been physically intimate with anyone besides my husband since I've been married to him. I did, however, find someone online, (P), who became my erotic pen pal, as I mentioned before. I wrote a short story about my sexual frustration and posted it on CL. Of all the men that responded (P) was the most literate, respectful, intelligent, easy going, and the one that I wanted to continue corresponding with. And yet what brought us together was the tension we felt in our lower parts, so we sort of slowly built up this sexual tension until it boiled over and we were writing our full on, hard core fantasies to each other, with each other. It was the most exciting thing I've done in a long time. We'd write fantasies with each other in them, we'd write fantasies, handing them off to each other. It was like Tag Team Fantasy. It was incredible. And then my husband found something I'd written to (P) and accused me of sleeping with him, which wasn't true, because I never saw or spoke to (P). If he was standing next to me on the corner I wouldn't know it. But it sucks because now I have this fucking scarlet letter on my head, let my husband tell it, and it's just not true. It's not true.

So my husband found (P)'s email address and emailed him accusing him of sleeping with me. (P) told my husband that we will never have a communication again.

I don't know why I'm on CL again. It's like I'm looking for (P) even though I know exactly where he is. It's like I want the same excitement over again and I know exactly where I can find it. But I don't know if he will respond. I'm hoping he will, knowing my circumstances have changed. He told me he would always be there for me, he would be my pages whenever I want to write. Of course this was before we were found out but a large part of me wants that to be true. He will probably read what I have to say but not respond. He loved my writing. He loved my stories. He might not be able to resist after a while. I don't know. Maybe I can break him. He was so thrilling. I miss him immensely.

You will find that I write about men from my past, men that I hope will be in my future, men that I do not know, that do not know me, that know me and don't know I like/love them, actors, musician, ITS technicians.