And suddenly, all the little things have blackened my heart against him.

The n word. The symptoms of being a batterer. The passive aggressiveness. And suddenly everything he's done reminds me of Jomo.

Perhaps I'll never speak to him again.

I saw a woman whose hair looked like an oscillating fan.

Collapse the all spark. Problem solved.

That shit felt like a shake down.

It's good to make sound effects while talking. That way people will laugh at you and say you are funny. Their eyes will light up and you will see them have the thought that they like you.

Good morning God.

Thank you very much. In Jesus name, Amen

Why, so you can go to the bathroom and cry?

"You mean vomit? That's what I do after I have sex with you."

And that was it. I killed him. I opened his gut. I saw it. And that was the last thing I ever said to him.

Why are you so cruel to me?

Shut the fuck up. Get your dick hard, because I'm not doing it.

obscure

An obscure reference.
The obscure back room.

recidivism

I feel like demoralizing someone right now.

I married you right? I suck your dick every night right? I make you dinner right? What the fuck you think that is? I don't have to say I love you.

When he says I love you, I say uh-huh.

Congratulations. Do you want a metro card?

Here. Go take the bus somewhere.

Fuck love.

I wont say it to anyone else again. What is love anyway. Just some fucking emotion your heart tricks you into having. I don't want anyone to know I have it. That way I don't have to take it back when it's all over.

Your heart is decietful, so you don't really mean what you say when you feel it. It is all bullshit. Bullshit. All of it.

He said, "Next time ask, don't demand anything."

He could tell the difference between a question and a command anyway. I remember very clearly asking him if he could help Nneka with the groceries. "Can you help Nneka with the groceries?" He said I could have asked. What the fuck. I do believe that was a question.

Hears what he wants. Says what he wants. I shake my head and threaten him, "You reap what you sow.

re: the time change, my sister said

...don't do the mental switch until tomorrow.

It is now Tuesday and I'm sleepy.

I believe my therapist said it best...

...when she described my husband in our marriage as treacherous, violent, and coercive.

I don't want to bee a stupid person with a masters degree.
You can rape a pantry but the pantry wont cry.
We are not in lock step with each other.

and he, letting her sleep through her nightmares...

She slept in shorter intervals now. The panic tree had grown from her abdomen, seizing parts, freeze drying her fingers, nightmaring her.

I should add a photo a week.

Thats a good idea. That way you can see what my brain looks like.

Open my medicine cabinet and tell me my fears

Things to remember while talking:
quote others "not a compelling argument," "within minutes of each other,"