I am lonely

Therapy today. Just because I cried last week does not mean I am in love with him. I arrived at that conclusion myself. I am looking for (P). My therapist told me I could have someone real. And that he abandoned me when the situation became real, once my husband found out about him. And it's all true. But there is no one like him. It was such a thrill and I am wishing I could have that back. It was all so fucking thrilling.